On What He’s On
“I am on a drug. I’s called Charile Sheen. It’s not available because if you try it once you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.”
On Being Special
“The only thing I’m addicted to is winning. This bootleg cult, arrogantly referred to as Alcoholics Anonymous, reports a 5-percent success rate. My success rate is 100-percent. Do the math… . Another one of their mottos is ‘Don’t be special, be one of us.’ Newsflash: I am special, and I will never be one of you! I have a disease? Bullsh_t! I cured it with my brain, with my mind. I cured it, I’m done… . You don’t look like you’re having a lot of fun. I’m gonna hang out with these two smoking hotties and fly privately around the world.”
“I was with one at a time with the other four watching. It was a little uncomfortable, actually. I wouldn’t recommend five at once. There’s just not enough guy to go around.”
Charlie Sheen’s Craziest Quotes
Holy. Crap. Hello, Crazy.